Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
