you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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