And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
