You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
