I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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