Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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