I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
