I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
