OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my poor anus
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
