I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
