Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
