the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
