took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
