You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
