Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize