Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
