why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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