my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
