why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
