did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
