I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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