if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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