Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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