how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
