good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
