i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
