After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it's like iHOP with fire
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
