She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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