so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
