I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
