just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
