Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
