Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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