I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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