dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
