we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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