i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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