When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
