he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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