yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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