have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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