guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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