My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
