I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think I died a long time ago.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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