Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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