That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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