Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
