I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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