i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
