I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
