Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
