Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
