3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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