yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
