So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
