When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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