alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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