Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
