NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
