his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
