I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
