I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
only you would photoshop your dick
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
