just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
