I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
