i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
