my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
